I Am Not My Hair!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggh!!!!!

2012-02-05T08:42:00.001-08:00

I HATE THIS HAIR!

There's Hair Up There!!

2012-01-18T15:51:00.000-08:00

So.......it's been about 1 1/2 weeks now since I started on the growing some hair adventure. Hmmm.....

Well.... there's a lotta hair up there - at least, for a woman who's been bald for more than 25 years, there's a lot of hair up there. And it's bloody itchy!!!!!

And it feels really neat.
Since I don't have to shave it every morning I'm saving lots of time in the shower.
My hat stays on a lot better now that it has some hair to attach itself to. There are plenty of silver hairs but I'm cool with that.

Mind you, I still can't do a thing with it... :)

I can still see my scalp but there is now a black cap over my head.
I wonder where this adventure will eventually end up...
I really have no idea.
Stay tuned...

Growing My Hair - Day 1

2012-01-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

Yup, I'm growing my hair.

Yup, I'm gonna do it.

Yup.

Persis Khambata. She was my inspiration a gazillion years ago. I saw her on Star Trek and just adored her visual.

But today, I'm growing my hair.

Hmmm.... I just shaved this morning after the gym (I shave my head everyday.). It's all smooth and shiny and took me 5 minutes in the shower. My hair is done. I love it. I had no idea when I shaved this morning, that a few hours later I would decide to grow my hair. I love my daughter but sometimes I'd like to tell her to take her damn wisdom and shove it... well, someplace dark and hot.

My baby knows me better than anyone. She knows my struggles. She knows my loneliness, my sadness, my fierceness. She knows I'm ready for a relationship and she believes my hairstyle continues to work against me in this city I live in. So she made the suggestion (gently) and I've decided to embrace it - but not without some kicking and screaming, pouting, resistance and tears. I'm such a baby!

Still, I feel sick inside at the idea of making this change and there's really no good reason for that. If having hair makes me feel uncomfortable or unhappy in the end, I'll just shave it all back off and be back where I started, richer for at least having tried something new.

So... I'm sitting here.... and my hair is starting to grow. And tomorrow morning I won't be shaving it. Hmmm...

I am thankful that my hair still grows. It's not this easy for everyone. I have female friends who struggle with hair loss while I deliberately shave mine off. I wonder if this pisses them off? I hope not.

Truth is, I've had this hairstyle for more than 25 years. Whew... Change is a good thing. Change is amazing!

Change sucks. I already hate this.

Ah, quite yer damn whining!!!!

I'm growing my hair -

Some here and some there.

I'm growing my hair

while I sit in my chair.

I'm growing my hair

so people will stare.

I'm growing my hair

and I'm a little bit scared.

But I'm growing my hair

so better beware cause

I'm growing my hair

but I'm still under there.

My Hair - Or Lack Thereof: THE GREAT EXPERIMENT

2012-01-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

So, I'm single. And I've been single for a very, very long time. It's not that I haven't wanted a great relationship; I just don't meet many men living in Vancouver and looking as I do.

I've reached the age where it seems so many things are working against me. My age for one thing. I'm 53 now. I don't look it or act it but that's irrelevant in our ageist society.

I'm black. Although I live in a multi-ethnic city, I see very few black men and very few inter-racial couples that are a mix of black and white. I'm open to dating other races but we've not found each other.

I've tried online dating for years - isn't that what we do in a big city? Especially when it seems we're all too shy to make contact out in the real world. Yes, it feels totally unnatural but the days of meeting someone in the grocery store or wandering through a bookstore have come and gone.

And then there's my hair - or lack thereof.

Mine is not a hairstyle that many men go for.

So what to do...

Today my daughter suggested that I consider growing my hair - as an experiment. Just to see if I get a different response from men in my city and online. My response? In my gut, I hated the idea. For so many reasons...

I like my hairstyle. I love my hairstyle - so much so, that I've had it for years.

I'm pretty much useless when it comes to doing anything interesting with black hair and you've got to have a fair amount of it to accomplish anything anyway. The idea of growing enough of it that I'm stuck in front of mirrors everyday trying to make it look nice makes me want to gag.

Or will I end up in my friend's salon getting someone else's hair attached to my head in order to make it look good?

Or do I simply grow a little bit and live with a buzz cut?

So then I'd have a short carpet of hair over my head. Imagine if I do this, and I start attracting men where I never did before?

My first response would be,

'Really? Are you going to tell me that a 1/4 inch of hair is all you need to now be comfortable with me? I'm still the same woman but now I'm more acceptable?'

And what happens if I, like any other woman, decide to change my hairstyle by shaving it all off? Will our relationship go into crisis mode?

I just want to be me. I just want to be accepted for who I am. I want to look the way I want to look. But do I now have to compromise myself in order to attract a mate? That idea infuriates me for some reason.

And then, if I'm being fair, there's the question of why I am so attached to this shaved head of mine? After all, my blog is called 'I Am Not My Hair' but it seems I believe I am.

Hmmm....am I afraid of change? Am I afraid that hair on my head is all that's standing between me and a relationship in this city? Am I afraid I'm going to grow it and turn into one of those women who turn up in a beauty salon on a regular basis, forking over a fortune to deal with the stuff on my head? Am I afraid I'm actually going to like it?

It's interesting to watch myself be so resistant to change when I usually embrace change quite easily.

Still, I can't keep doing the same things and expecting different results - so states the definition of insanity. And while I sometimes wonder if I'm really just nuts after all, there's nothing wrong with a little experimentation.

So, I'm going to start the grand experiment today.

I'm going to grow my hair and see how I feel about it.

Wish me luck!

My Mother and Me - Part Two

2011-11-25T14:04:00.000-08:00

I last saw my mother in April of this year when I went home to Cape Breton Island in Nova Scotia to see her after many years of disconnection. It was a happy but painful homecoming because she was, at the age of 72, dying of breast cancer. After I returned home to Vancouver, I called her often. After so many years apart, I was eager to bond and stay connected to my mother. After all, I knew my time was limited…

The months passed and now as I look back, I wonder what I was thinking was happening to my mother in my absence. Did I really think nothing was changing even though it had to be?

I called several times a week, every week, and checked in with my brother for updates as to her condition. It was always a struggle to understand my mother on the phone as a secondary condition was affecting her ability to speak. Some days her voice was reasonably clear; other days her speech was so garbled I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. But I listened hard, tried to understand, told her I loved her and cried when I hung up the phone. I sent her dvd’s to watch; I sent her specialty chocolates; whatever I thought she might enjoy – I sent. Small pleasures during a terrible time…

By October, talking with her was getting more and more difficult. She was having good days and bad days but what did that mean, really? I wasn’t there to be able to see her deterioration. She was on one side of the country, and I on the other. I relied on my brother to give me the truth of the situation but even then, I couldn’t see it. Her medication was adjusted; more often than not she wasn’t feeling a lot of pain. But what was I thinking? That the cancer wasn’t still killing her?

At one point she asked me if I could find her a coat for the winter. I thought this was a good sign. She would still be up and about and obviously going to the doctor or grocery shopping with Jimmy so she would need a warm coat. Shay and I went shopping for something that would be just right. I found something I liked and boxed it up and sent it to her. I asked Jimmy if she liked it, if it fit… he put her on the phone but I couldn’t understand anything she was saying.

I finally woke up one morning the first week of November and realized it was time to go back to Nova Scotia to see her. I started making plans for the end of the month. Then, a couple of days later my brother called…

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Jimmy told me my mother hadn’t been eating or drinking anything for the past couple of days. She was just sleeping a lot. The doctor told him that her body was beginning to shut down… they had sent a nurse who would spend the night with him since my mother needed to be given some medication every 4 hours and they knew he needed some rest. He wasn’t sure how he would feel about having someone in the house overnight but he was willing to try it for one day and then see how he felt. I told him I was going to come home immediately. He told me not to rush. There was no hurry…

When I hung up the phone, I called my daughter and we decided we had to go asap. Thanks to her very lovely boyfriend, we were booked and on our way to Cape Breton Island by 10:00 pm that evening. It would take 3 planes (Vancouver to Toronto, Toronto to Halifax, Halifax to Sydney) to get us to the other side of the country but we would be there by lunchtime the next day. Everything went smoothly. I felt such a sense of urgency; I wanted to get there before she disappeared from my life completely.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

We made it to Toronto; changed planes. We made it to Halifax. Shay told me to call Jimmy and let him know we were almost there. I turned on my phone to call him from the airport to tell him we’d be in Sydney in about an hour and a half. I kept getting a busy signal… I kept trying… busy, busy, busy… I kept trying. Shay was buying a smoothie from a stand in the airport when I finally got through…

She was gone.

My brother was weeping as he told me she had died early in the morning – around 6:30 am. While we were flying to Toronto, she had passed away. I fell apart in the airport...

My mother had died in her own home, in her own bedroom, in a hospital bed with my brother at her side. He was devastated… and so was I. I was too late…

I told him we would be there soon. They had already taken her body away and he told me he had asked the undertaker to hold my mother’s body so I could see her before they took her away to be cremated.

We got on the plane and flew to Sydney, grabbed a cab and 20 minutes later I was walking in the door of the house I grew up in. My brother, my daughter and I wept and hugged and then immediately got in another cab and headed for the funeral home.

The funeral director (Basil) was so kind and gentle and lovely. He took us upstairs to his office where the walls were adorned with charming paintings of winter scenes (done by his father I believe). His family has been in the funeral business for generations. We sat quietly while he chatted with us and walked us through the formalities of death. I didn’t want to do that yet; I wanted to see my mother.

Basil took us down to the basement (2 floors below) to a room at the end of the hall… an antiseptic room obviously used for the preparation of bodies and there, lying on a table beneath a sheet, covered from the neck down, lay my mother…

So still… so peaceful looking; she looked healthier in death than she had in life. I touched her face, her hair (she had lost so much of it), her cheek; I kissed her and told her I loved her… And then I just stared at this woman who had been my mother, my adversary, my enemy, my protector, my jailer, my defender, my savior, my mother…. My Mother…

Shay and Jimmy left the room but I couldn’t. I had missed the last 7 months of her living, her dying. I had arrived too late to say my goodbyes and now she was gone… but still there. I stayed alone in the room with her… I just didn’t want to leave her lying on that cold table in that barren room, under a sheet, all by herself… even though I knew she was already gone. I told her over and over again that I loved her; I touched her skin; I kissed her cheek and forehead; I stroked her hair and I stared at her…. And stared at her… I found it so hard to pull myself away but eventually I just had to. The funeral director was waiting quietly at the foot of the stairs and we headed back up to his office.

We spent the next little while composing her obituary, dealing with the business of death. Shay went back down to see her again and I stayed close to Jimmy. I knew this was hardest on him. She was his whole life. He had never been away from her in his 57 years of living. He took care of her through her illness until the end and I don’t know that I could have been as strong or done as magnificent a job as he did of caring for her. When all was said and done, Basil offered to drive us home (only in a small town). We got into one of those long black cars and went home. He told us he would return in a few days with my mother’s ashes. The obituary was in the paper the next day. We opened the newspaper the next morning and there she was… more tears… more tears…

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Unlike my first visit back in April, I didn’t spend my time writing about the experience of being home; I was too busy living the experience that was the aftermath of my mother’s death. For the next couple of days I kept myself so busy I could barely think. I went through all the things my mother had accumulated and kept in her bedroom. The first thing I started with was all of the papers. I was searching for her will because we didn’t know if she’d had one and it would make Jimmy’s life much easier if there was one.

It was strange to be rooting through her every private nook and cranny – something that would never have happened if she were alive. I tried not to think about the fact that she had died in that room only the day before. I didn’t sense her there; I didn’t feel her there. Perhaps my brother did but not me. I simply saw what she had left behind.

Bags and bags of stuff were thrown out and lots of stuff was found ( the will for example ). After I had made my way through all of the paper stuff I set my mind to organizing my brother’s finances. I called agencies and canceled accounts, notified them of her death, talked to the undertaker about cremation expenses, got household bills put into my brother’s name… all the while trying not to lose control while complete strangers offered kind words when I told them my mother had just died. I just swallowed the pain, wiped away the tears and kept doing what I knew had to be done.

I wanted to make sure that in the days ahead, my brother would have to contend only with his grief and not with the business of tidying up my mother’s end of life. I made him detailed lists and put everything in a notebook for him and explained what I was doing.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The next day, the 3 of us sorted through her clothing… there was so much of it – much of it she hadn’t even worn. Bags and bags were filled with clothes and shoes that would be donated to charity. I was a woman on a mission. It was a daunting task but I didn’t want my brother to have to do this on his own. I just kept moving and tried not to think. Jimmy told me about the coat I had sent her. Of course, she’d never got to even try it on. He had told her about it and put her hand on the sleeve so she could feel it with her fingers…

More tears, more tears…

Pretty soon we had the bedroom tidied and organized to a degree. Then we had a treasure hunt… at least that’s what I called it. We looked through all of my mother’s jewelry and boxes and drawers. Since I was little, I’ve always been fascinated by my mother’s ‘jewels’. The truth is, most of what I liked was just costume jewelry and knick knacks but to this day I love it all. When I would find something I liked I would then ask Jimmy if it was ok if I took it. Shay did the same. If it was, we set it aside; if he showed signs of distress, we left it where it was. We respected his wishes because it was his ‘treasure’ too.

And so I collected my ‘treasure’. What did it consist of?

An old locket that played the theme from Love Story when you opened it;

a carved and painted matchbox holder;

a lipstick container with filigree work on it;

a tiny perfume bottle,

a tarnished silver compact (which I have since polished to a gleaming shine),

several old brooches,

a thin gold and silver band (I’m wearing that ring), a pair of earrings…

(When I returned home I put my treasure on shelves in my bathroom so I can see them every day and remember her). My brother gets everything else and I’m fine with that because I have my treasure…

We talked, we remembered, we cried, and I did my best to be the strongest I could be for Jimmy while I got stuff done for him. My mother wouldn’t have liked strangers going through all of her private belongings and so I made sure they would never have to. I took my daughter out walking - around the town, to my old high school, and down to the ocean that I love so much. We ate, watched movies and cried some more. And then Basil called to tell us he was bringing my mother’s ashes to us.

It was raining and cold when he came. He was so gentle and polite and kind. He brought paperwork we needed, copies of her death certificate, a printed list of condolences from their website.

And then, after chatting for a bit longer, he said:

“I have your mother out in the car. I’ll bring her in now.”

And he went out and returned with a canvas bag. Inside was a velvet drawstring bag and inside that bag was a beautiful urn and inside the urn was my mother’s ashes… my mother…

We cried as we received her. And after he left we cried some more.

The urn was beautiful.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The weather cleared up on the Saturday and the sun came out. My brother’s childhood friend came to visit and arrived in time to join us as we headed down to the ocean to scatter my mother’s ashes into the Atlantic. And there we were… the four of us or rather, the five of us. Jimmy and Anthony in back, Shay and I in front, arm in arm, while I carried my mother to the sea.

We walked to the crumbling cliffs and climbed down to the sea and went to the spot where we used to swim as kids – nothing but slabs of rock (that was our beach) and a churning sea.

We walked to the edge of the rocks where the waves were racing in and I gave the bag to Jimmy.

He took the urn out of the velvet bag and undid the lid so he could empty her ashes into the waves. The waves swept in and flowed over our feet soaking us but we didn’t care. We huddled close to him and watched as he poured her ashes into the ocean, but we didn’t say anything. There was no need. We cried; we said goodbye and then it was done.

The sun continued to shine; the cold wind whipped at our cheeks and chased away our tears; the crashing waves scooped up my mother and raced her out to sea where my father’s ashes had been waiting for several years. They were reunited. We were devastated.

We put the urn back into the bag, climbed back up to the top of the cliffs and made our way back home.

Shay and I stayed several more days and then I had to return to my home. We made our tearful goodbyes.

When I last saw my mother in April, she asked me to watch out for my brother and that is what I am now doing. I feel like I’ve just found my brother after 50 years. Now we’re talking and communicating and saying ‘I love you’ to each other which is something we never did while my parents were alive. Until her death, my mother effectively stood between us – an insurmountable obstacle. But now, with her no longer there, we flow easily and naturally together. I find I am fiercely protective of my older brother. I finally get to be a sister.

What seemed so earth-shatteringly important, what alienated me from my family for decades, now seems like such a waste of precious time. We wish we could have this wisdom in the moment and stop ourselves from doing things that only bring harm and grief to ourselves and others. We wish…. But our arrogance and egos, and need to be right, rob us in the end. And we can’t turn back time and do it all again. Such is life.

Today, our lives go on without her. My mother’s door closed but a door opened between my brother and I and for that, I am truly grateful.

Oculto Masks Brand New Website!

2011-11-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

Come and check it out - it is a visual feast!

Here's a small taste...

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY....

2011-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY - Lunchtime Walks...

2011-11-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

This is why I power walk with my dogs every day at lunchtime - the views are glorious; the air is fresh and clean; the falling leaves and ocean waves, eagles, Canada Geese, seagulls, crows, squirrels...

Today, I give you views of the Burrard Inlet and clouds over West Vancouver. Enjoy!

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY....

2011-10-31T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sure if you sniff the screen, you can smell the tangy salt air! Or maybe that's just me. :)

Anyway,this is what today's power walk at lunchtime looked like. Enjoy!

Wow... Where Have I Been?

2011-10-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

There's something about all of this online communicating and sharing that becomes more tedious than fun after awhile.

Between...

Facebook,

Twitter,

Skype,

Personal Blogs,

business email and personal email...

...the amount of time a person can spend online 'communicating' in one fashion or another without actually talking to anyone - boggles the mind.

When I wander into FB, I see people I know with so many posts, so much to offer, so much to to say, to share.

As for me,

these days I'm so busy living life (and enjoying it) that I have little patience for clicking away on my keyboard in order to share what may be interesting only to me with the masses.

For a moment, I started to feel guilty because I was neglecting this blog. Then I stopped, slapped myself upside the head a few times, and laughed at myself and my silliness. The fact that I'm too busy to do all this stuff is a very good thing. Means life is full and satisfying.

So, I guess you'll hear from me when you hear from me. I'll post when I post. And I hope you enjoy what I have to offer when it occurs to me to share. :)

In the spirit of giving, here's a little something I hope you enjoy:

OCULTO MASKS Is On The Air!

2011-10-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Check out this funny radio interview when Oculto Masks owner, Shay Lhea, goes on the air!

http://vancouver.virginradio.ca/Blog/AdAgency/blogentry.aspx?BlogEntryID=10301046

Oculto Masks on You Tube!

2011-10-12T17:07:00.001-07:00

My Fall / Winter Survival Plan...

2011-10-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

Do you know how you're going to get through fall and winter in Vancouver this year without losing your mind? I have a plan. It all revolves around creativity. I'm not revealing any state secrets when I tell you that Vancouverites are not a happy bunch from October to April. The lack of sunshine, endless grey skies, chilly temperatures and non stop rain will make anyone a little nuts.

I'm being proactive this year and diving deep into my creative pool.

Well, I wish this was my pool but... my pool is all in my head.

I've begun writing a book / stage performance piece. This is going to be emotionally taxing and brain draining but worth every moment. It's about my mother and me in specific, mothers and daughters in general.

Working title:

I Am My Mother's Daughter.

I'm making masks. This involves colors and textures, fabrics, jewels and anything else that strikes my fancy. No hard thinking, no emotional investments. I can shut down my brain and just use my eyes and hands to create beautiful things.

I have a mural just waiting to be painted above my fireplace.

As soon as the construction crew is done with the balconies and interior finishing, I will get started on that. I've already done my rendition of

Van Gogh's "Starry Night" at the end of my hallway.

This is the original.

This is my version.

He's my favorite painter. This new mural will be another tip of the hat

to Vincent Van Gogh.

"The Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum Arles at Night c 1888.

Such vibrant colors and I LOVE COLOR!!!

Throw in a ton of books, dvd's,

a fireplace,

and a little wine and chocolate...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

I will NOT let Vancouver's endless grey skies and rain, cool temperatures and lack of sunshine make me crazy this year.

I'm settling into my cave

where I intend to enjoy

my creative tidal way -

every minute of it!

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY..

2011-10-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

English Bay

in the morning...

English Bay

in the evening...

I LOVE WHERE I LIVE!

These Are My Latest Creations!

2011-10-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

I've added mask-making

to my list of creative pursuits.

You can find them for sale at:

http://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/studio/OcultoMasks

Here are my latest creations.

Miss-Direction

LURE OF ATTRACTION

BERBER QUEEN - al kahina

I'm working on my next one...

I'll update you when it's a fait accompli!

Latest Adventure: Mask Model!

2011-09-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

My friend is a Master Mask Maker.

She makes luxury masks for masquerades, balls, mardi gras

and any other number of events.

Her company is called Oculto Masks.

http://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/studio/OcultoMasks

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Oculto

She also creates custom masks for individual charities to be used

as auction items to raise money for the cause.

I got to be her model this past week and

here is some info about the mask I wore for a

Breast Cancer fundraiser in Florida.

UNMASKING BREAST CANCER

Unmasking Breast Cancer is a strikingly beautiful statement maker.

This disguise isn't shy - it commands to be worn with pride, presence and strength.

Wear it in honor of the countless women who have lost the battle against breast cancer

and for the women who have conquered it.

Own the night and showcase your empowerment, your hope and your determination.

Story

This custom mask was created as an auction item for a fundraiser in Florida called.

The True Heart Masquerade Gala

with its theme being, 'Unmasking The Face Of Breast Cancer.'

My Weekend!

2011-08-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

So, on Saturday morning, just after 8:00 am, my daughter and I and our friend Kat were standing at the base of Grouse Mountain in North Vancouver preparing to do the infamous, 'Grouse Grind'. Why would we want to climb a mountain at 8 am in the morning on a Saturday when we could be sleeping in? Because it's there! Here's a little info about the 'Grind'....

The Grouse Grind

The Grouse Grind® is a 2.9-kilometre trail up the face of Grouse Mountain, commonly referred to as “Mother Nature’s Stairmaster.”

This trail is very challenging. Keep in mind that there is a wide range of mountaintop trails that might better suit the average hiker.

Trail Facts

Length: 2.9 kilometres (1.8 miles)

Elevation Gain: 853 metres (2,800 feet)

Base: 274 metres above sea level (900 feet)

Summit: 1,127 metres (3,700 feet)

Total Stairs: 2,830

Statistics: Annually, over 100,000 people hike the trail.

Average Time: On average it takes up to an hour and a half to complete the hike. For novice hikers, two hours is recommended.

Participants: Hikers range in age from 7 to 90, with an equal male/female split.

So, off we went.
In about an hour and a half, we were at the top!

Along the way, there were lots of people;

there was a not too shabby amount of
stopping to catch our breath;

we didn't whine much even though we wanted to;
we climbed steps
(lots of steps);

we clawed our way up over rocks;
we swatted at the gazillion bugs that discovered us
after the halfway mark;

we sweated - a lot!
We gazed in absolute wonder at the stunning beauty around us and we stopped and looked on in absolute awe when a deer and her baby went strolling past us - only several feet away!

And then finally, we were there!
We had done it!

Shay and Kat went to change into something summery (they had sent their stuff up on the cable car before we started climbing - concierge service);
I stayed sweaty and dirty! lol
I was so proud of all 3 of us!

We had a snack, jumped in the gondola and rode back down the mountain.

It was brilliant!

Fireworks!

2011-08-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

Every summer, a lot of public events happen in my neighborhood. One of the best is the Celebration of Light Fireworks competition.

3-4 countries enter and over the course of 4 nights, we are treated to the sight of a magnificent fireworks display with music in English Bay.

The photo below is what our bay usually looks like.

Saturday Morning

On Fireworks night, simply add one big barge in the water

where the fireworks are launched,

several hundred boats on the water,

and upward to 300,000 people crowding the beaches, shorelines, bridges, streets, etc. to watch. Last night Canada finished the competition and this is some of what we saw. It was fabulous, free and fun! I love summer in my city!!

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday Evening

And here are some images from past fireworks...

Enjoy!

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...

2011-07-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

Good Morning, Vancouver!!

Downtown Vancouver as seen from the seawall around Stanley Park at Sunrise.

On my left side, towering pines and sunrise clouds...

Why I Love My Friends!

2011-07-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy lately with this and that and haven't had much time to write. Busy with what, you ask? Hmm... good question! And the answer is this: My super-cool friends just introduced me to a cleanse and I'm pretty excited about it.

Now, I'm not one to go into gushing waves of joy over something like a cleanse because usually it means my eating will be severely restricted and I'll be stuck consuming things like elephant sweat,

or butterfly droppings.

As a rule, I don't go near cleanses if I can avoid them - and I can!

But my friend Dawn did this cleanse
and then told Marci about it and she told me about it.

Before I really knew anything about it, I was sold by the fact that Marci said she wasn't hungry and could eat plenty of food. Huh? Really?! Cleanse and eat at the same time? Well, at that point I became curious. She told me more about it and I decided to go buy a copy of the book and see what was what. The book is called:
'CLEAN: The Revolutionary Program to Restore the Body's Natural Ability to Heal Itself'. The author is Alejandro Junger, M.D.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a health and fitness nut - in a good way, I like to think. Especially since I come from a family stricken with so many diseases (cancer, heart attacks, etc.). I don't want to end up like my family so I do my best to stay healthy and fit although I've got some less than stellar eating habits and I've carried an extra 30 pounds for years because I use food as a coping tool when I'm stressed. So when I started reading this book (which is very intelligent and makes so much good sense) I got excited. The whole idea of ridding my body of toxins, improving my health and helping my body do what comes naturally - heal itself - excited me. And the added benefit of losing weight without turning into a nutcase really appealed.

When I get interested in something I go for it 100% or I'm not playing. After I finished the book I decided to dive into the 3 week cleanse. I've just finished Week One. I feel fabulous; I'm losing weight; my skin is like a baby's butt!. But the most miraculous thing of all is this: I'M COOKING!

Now, for those who don't know me, this means nothing. But for those who do, they know that my kitchen is where I store empty bags in the dishwasher, my oven rarely ever gets turned on, if I didn't have a microwave I'd never have a hot meal, and my fridge is where the chilled wine and best chocolate live. I hate cooking.

No, let me rephrase that. I despise cooking. I have no imagination, patience or desire to cook. When people talk recipes, my eyes glaze over and I bluntly change the subject. My friends know better than to ever talk cooking to me.

So here's the funny thing: Now I'm cooking and actually enjoying it. Why? Because it's part of the program and I'm committed to the program. So, if I want to achieve the best results, I need to get with the program and that means I need to cook and juice, blend and chop, put things together and follow recipes. Fortunately for me, the recipes are simple and the food tastes good. I'm making juices (got my first juicer and I love that baby!); making simple soups and cooking stuff.
Me.
Cooking.

Surely the universe is tilting on its axis in an unnatural way... lol Or maybe I just care so passionately that I'm willing to do this to improve my health and finally lose this weight in a relatively painless manner.

So, now I'm buying ingredients, following recipes, taking a few supplements over the course of the cleanse and changing myself for the better. I'm changing my whole relationship with food and my body so that from here on in, I move in health and not dysfunction. Oh yes, and I'm looking younger than ever. I think I could pass for 12 these days. Seriously... not! lol But I am looking and feeling pretty damn good.

So, thank you to my friends for putting me on to something great. As for you, my dear readers, if you feel so inclined, read the book and see if it speaks to you as it did to me. I wish you all great health!

OCULTO MASKS Has Arrived!

2011-07-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

I admit it - I'm an extremely proud Mama!

I love my daughter to distraction and I'm amazed by her creativity.

This is what she is currently bringing into being... Enjoy!

SEA BED KELP SPIRIT

THE EASTERN FLAME

THE LAST MISTRESS

THE SHALLOW TIDE

THE WITCH DOCTOR

YOUR ALTAR ABLAZE

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

CHILD-LIKE EMPRESS

APHRODITE'S VEIL

OCULTO LUXURY MASKS

OCULTO LUXURY MASKS BLOG

Sent to me by a friend... Thanks for my morning chuckle!

2011-07-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

Things I Owe My Parents

1.     My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.  My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My Parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My Parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"

DOUBLE VISION - LITERALLY!

2011-07-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

I have to say this growing older thing is starting to get on my last nerve.

But not for the reasons you might think.

The numbers don't bother me

(even if I do keep my numbers to myself!)

because I don't look my age

(and I certainly don't act my age).

So I'm cool with the fact that I'm over... umm... hmmmm....

over 30.

Yes, that's it!

I'm over 30. Enuf said:)

Being more mature is a quality I like.

Having less patience than I've ever had

I really like because I just refuse to spend time doing things I don't like anymore. Embracing the power of 'no' I supremely enjoy! I have become astoundingly selfish and I'm okay with that.

The short attention span and memory loss

can make for some interesting days and the moments when I can't remember stuff I've known all my life can also be moderately amusing... not!

No, the part about growing older that I don't like

is the stuff happening with my body

that I have little control over...

like my vision.

I have a lazy eye it turns out.

Which makes sense because it probably is closely related to my lazy hands which absolutely refuse to do anything that even remotely resembles cooking which in turn has to be related to my lazy imagination when it comes to anything having to do with food and the kitchen.

Don't get me wrong - I eat just fine - as long as it is fresh, can be steamed or eaten raw, comes out of a can or can be ordered by phone.

Anyway... where was I?

Oh yes, I have a lazy eye and over the years the little bugger has started to fall down on the job. I have now reached the point where the size of my world has literally doubled because I see two of you!

because I see two of you!

I used to think it was that glass of wine that was making images double when I was watching a movie but now I know better. It's that damn lazy eye! The strain of trying to get my two eyes to focus and produce just one image is something I no longer am able to do although I have been doing just that for a couple of years now.

It's not a problem every minute of the day. As long as what I'm looking at is no more than a couple of feet away, all is well. But more than that? Well...

I tried biking a while ago but when I was racing down a hill and couldn't really focus on what was in front of me, that slowed my butt down in a hurry. I tried rollerblading this morning and that didn't feel too good either. Let's not even talk about driving...

Anyhow.... my eye doctor sent me to a specialist who gave me the options

and the only one that works is surgery.

So, he's going to knock me out,

take his surgical toys and go on in there

and show that lazy eye who's boss.

He's effectively going to adjust its position in the eye socket so that it straightens out and vows to go wandering no more.

Sometimes I think there's just too much damn fun in my life! He put me on a priority list and I was hoping that I might get in before Christmas at least.

Well, my surgery date is now July 29th -

just over 3 weeks from now!

How do I feel about that?

Hmm... no point in being scared shitless which is what comes to mind first.

It's either fix it or suffer. That's pretty much a no brainer. As with all adventures in my life over which I have little control, I opt for the mindset of thinking positive, going with the flow, and knowing that all will be well. That's just who I am.

I'm in and out in the same day. Back to work within days. Quite honestly, the hardest part for me will be not wearing contacts for two weeks which means no swimming! Since I'm already so near-sighted I can barely find my feet without glasses, I definitely can't be swimming in a pool without any hopes of staying in a lane while I do laps. There you go - my biggest priority is getting my workout on. I'm a freak!

So, there you have it. The latest adventure in my world.

Seriously though,

I am truly thankful to live in a country where I can have this surgery, where skilled professionals are here to help, and where the healthcare system makes it possible for me to fix this problem at no cost to me.

So, while there might be two of you today,

in a few weeks?

It'll just be you and me!

Peanut Butter - Jelly Time!

2011-07-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

And now for something

completely different!

Ssssss... Sun, Skin, Sun Screen, Sun Burn, Skin Damage

2011-07-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

So, just a little post about

SUN

SKIN

SUN SCREEN

AND SUN BURN.

I've gone through most of my life without ever having a sunburn. Figured because I was black I was immune to that. Hmmm... do I get bonus points for being an idiot?

Anyway, last summer (I remember the day clearly), I sat out at English Bay on a hot and sunny day for hours on end. No hat, no shirt, no sunscreen.

And yes, I got myself a right dandy sunburn.

I was hot, red, in pain, and then peeling for days.

Why did I do this? I wanted my color back. Over the course of the year, any tan I get fades until I look pale and yellowish (pale for a black woman anyway). I wanted that warm, brown, healthy looking color and after the peeling ended, I got it.

Now, fast forward to more than a year later.Spring and summer have been late in arriving and not particularly impressive yet, but we have had some sunny days. I have raced out into the sunshine on several occasions and started the color re-topping process. All was well until I looked at my face one day several weeks ago and saw some blotchiness that wasn't there before.

Now, up to this point, I've had great skin -

barely a wrinkle, even-toned, soft and smooth.

But now, it looks like I've lost pigmentation on my face.

Now, it's not a huge deal and most people probably won't even notice it.

But it is my face and so I notice it - big time!

I saw my doctor and the first thing she asked was if I'd had a sunburn. I said yes. She said it's damage from that. Not much I can do about it and I don't want to see skin specialists, blah, blah, blah. I just have to accept that I was stoooopid and now I've got the evidence to prove it.

So, am I now wearing my sunscreen and hat?

Yes.

Enuf said.

It's Just About Love...

2011-07-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

The video speaks for itself so I'll say no more...

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/good-news/army-dad-pops-box-surprise-kids-return-184241733.html

Walked Too Many Miles In My Shoes!

2011-06-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

TODAY ON
HEALTHISM

http://blog.healthism.com/post/7083906355/for-women-high-heels-a-walk-to-remember

I have to say that I am one of those women who have abused my feet and paid the price for it. And no, it didn't show up in a minute - it happened over a long period of time. I work out a lot and have had jobs where I spent the day on my feet and walked what felt like miles everyday.

I used to be able to wear high heels.

That was many years ago!

The trouble started with the backaches and moved to knee and foot pain.

I had physio;

I had orthotics prescribed (which I still wear to this day);

and I ended up with arthritis in my big toe on my left foot.

Over time, this became absolutely debilitating.

I tried every pill, vitamin, supplement I could find to deal with the pain. No success.

It got so bad I could barely walk around the block.

In the end I headed to a specialist and discovered I had a degenerative bone disease and surgery was recommended.

I had the surgery, got a lovely pin in my big toe, spent several months on crutches and was advised to mend my wicked ways because I have the same problem in my other foot. I have taken the advice.

I quit the job I was working at and adjusted my working out so I spend more time swimming and biking than walking and running. And my feet aren't pretty anymore (assuming they ever were) because I've also done irreparable damage to the nails.

When it comes to shoes, they were my biggest disappointment for many years. Before the surgery I simply couldn't walk in heels of any kind.

This made dressing up a pretty sorry affair. I was great right down to my ankles, and then there I would stand, looking in the mirror, wondering what the hell I was supposed to put on my feet to complement the outfit. The only thing I could walk in was flat, cushioned shoes or runners. I hated them!

After the surgery, the situation changed somewhat when it came to shoes. I actually own several pairs of heels now but only one pair qualifies as 'high' heels. The only problem is: I can only wear them for a brief amount of time before my feet just hurt!

There is no cushioning and the impact of foot in little shoe against the hard pavement is jarring. And I can't walk the way I want to. I usually clip along at a brisk pace - I stride. In heels, I walk slowly and carefully and feel like I'm hobbling more than walking. I hate that! My legs might look great and my shoes might look pretty but the aggravation is just not worth it!

And it also doesn't help matters that my big toe that was operated on and now has the pin in it has a limited range of motion. It can bend down but not lift up so if there's not enough room for it to slide easily into a shoe, it's just not going at all.

I remember looking for shoes to wear one New Year's Eve and finding a pair I just loved. The only problem? Both my feet are no longer the same size. I had to buy 2 pair in 2 different sizes and wear one shoe from each pair. We do love our shoes, don't we?

Today, I spend the vast majority of my time in runners. I will carry shoes to work, wear them for a bit, carry them back home. Yes, the legs and ankles look divine in heels, but what's more important is for me to be able to get to where I want to go pain free. Having experienced more foot pain than I care to recall, that's not an experience I want to relive. So, while I may not look fashionable in my runners, I'll take comfort over fashion any day.

And while we're talking 'fashion', who thinks it's a bright idea for women to actually wear these things...

Sure, I'll give high heels some serious consideration the day men make them a staple of their wardrobes.

When men start making themselves physically uncomfortable and start suffering foot, knee, leg and back pain all in the name of making themselves more attractive for me to look at, then I'll get with the program.

Until then?

Catch me if you can!

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...

2011-06-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to click to enlarge.

They're even more beautiful magnified!

What Did You Say Your Name Was?

2011-06-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

So.....

I'm driving to a meeting with this lovely lady at my bank who's helping me with my mortgage. We've met several times before, chatted on the phone, laughed up a storm and she's given me excellent financial advice to get me back on track. We're not friends, per se, but we have known each other for about a year.

As I'm driving over the Lion's Gate Bridge on my way to the North Shore, I suddenly realized I could not remember her name. It had simply vanished out of my accessible memory banks. I tried to retrieve it but it was gone without a trace -

as if it had never existed.

As I got closer and closer to my destination, I tried (without success) to remember her name. I then tried to imagine myself walking up to reception and saying,

'Hi. I have an appointment with... well, my name is Suzann. Perhaps you can tell me who I have a 1:00 o'clock appointment with.'

As I was running this scenario through my head, feeling more and more like a complete idiot, I kept trying to guess what her name might be.

I remembered her business partner's name: Angela. No problem there. But her name was floating on gossamer wings just beyond reach - darting and flitting and playing hide and seek in the back of my brain.

I suddenly realized that her name started with a vowel.
Whoopeee for me.
5 vowels and endless combinations...

That was getting me nowhere!

Where does stuff like this go when you need it, anyway?
What's going on in your head when you walk from the living room to the kitchen on a full head of steam, purposeful, determined - only to arrive at your destination with absolutely no idea why you're there.

What's up with that?

Then you have to wander back and forth until you finally figure out
just what the hell you were supposed to be doing.

But the name thing - that's a new one for me.
I mean, I'm not good with names to start with.
I'm usually nervous when I meet people so I instantly forget their names.
But once I know your name, you're in like Flynn.
But not so with the:
My name starts with a vowel and I can't believe you don't remember my name.'
girl.

I actually made it all the way to the reception area and had introduced myself to the person at the desk before her name finally popped into my head:

EVELYN!!!!

And a few seconds later, there she was, smiling and calling me by name.
I told her the story later and we both laughed about it.

I think my brain gets bored
with all the minutiae of my daily life.
I think my brain wishes I led a much more interesting life.
And since I'm not rising to that challenge,
I think my brain likes to just mess with me purely for the entertainment value.

I'll bet that afternoon, my brain was sitting on a comfortable leather sofa in the library with a cognac in one hand and some hand-dipped chocolate strawberries in the other wondering how it could entertain itself.

'Hmmm.... I see Suzann is searching for something back here in the library. Let's just put it behind the curtain, in a desk, under some paper, in an envelope, tucked inside a book that hasn't seen the light of day in about 30 years. Now...Let's see if she can find it.'

And I think my brain sat there and laughed at me the whole time, finally taking pity and giving up Evelyn's name when it got bored with the game.

Or perhaps I'm just getting old and going crazy....

Now where did I put my keys....

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...

2011-06-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

This is why I love the seawall

in Stanley Park

at sunrise...

breathtaking!

(click on them to enlarge)

Today On The Healthism Blog...

2011-06-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today on the HEALTHISM blog, the topic is:

Vitamins - When Less is More Than Enough.

http://blog.healthism.com/post/6778008369/vitamins-when-less-is-more-than-enough

When I think about the vitamins I used to take.... wow! Takes my breath away!

I used to have arthritis in my foot due to a degenerative bone issue. Several years ago I reached the point where I could barely walk a block because of the pain and inflammation. I bought and swallowed everything everyone suggested hoping to find the vitamin / supplement that would give me some pain relief.

Nothing worked.

In the end I consulted a specialist and opted for surgery.

Now I have a pin in my toe and the pain is gone. To prevent the same problem from happening in the other foot, I've adjusted my behavior (especially my workouts) so that I spend less time aggravating the problem. I swim, bike, rollerblade more and run and power walk less. Today, no pain.

But even after that, my counter top was still filled with bottles of vitamins / supplements and my wallet was filled with nothing because all this stuff cost a bloody fortune.

One day I just decided enough was enough. I stopped taking everything and decided to see what just eating healthy and exercising regularly felt like. And that's what I still do today - healthy food (fruits, veggies, fish), plenty of rest and exercise.

Yes, junk food is still a part of my life - but it doesn't run my life. And wine and chocolate I'll never give up - but moderation is a beautiful thing. Now, I don't know if my body is getting the right combinations of vitamins it ideally should have, but you know what? I still feel pretty amazing. I sleep like a baby; have the energy for 2 workouts 5-6 days a week because that's how I like to start and end my work day;

my body is pain free.

Isn't it funny that when you stop doing what everyone else is doing, all of a sudden everyone is worried about your vitamin intake. But when you have a crappy diet and don't exercise, it never comes up in conversation. Again: All We Like Sheep...

We are conditioned to believe what we read, follow the herd, do what we're told.

But long before the vitamin and supplement industries were born, people just ate good, natural food. They worked hard and did just fine, thank you very much.

I will remain a rebel. If I can get what I need from eating a banana and going for a walk.... If I can feel great from eating some fresh fish and broccoli and going for a swim after work.... if I can lift some weights and blend a fresh fruit smoothie for lunch and feel fabulous - then you'll never see me buying supplements or vitamins again.

I'm tired of being told the solution to all that ails us can be found in a plastic bottle, on a store shelf, at $50.00 a pop. No thanks! I'm vitamin and supplement free and I plan on staying that way.

Time For A Change

2011-06-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like life was passing you by? Have you ever felt like you needed to change things up in a big way but had no idea where or how to begin to make those changes? That's where I am right now. Now if I could just figure out how to get this party started...if I could only figure out how to get out of my own way... If I could only figure out the best way to shake up my own life.

It's Monday morning and I'm usually on my way to a workout right now - the first of 2 I do everyday. But not today. I have to ask myself what the point is to working out like mad all week and then binge eating all weekend which is what I just finished doing. I drank too much wine; ate too much crappy food and chocolate. Why? Because after all these years I still eat to comfort myself when my mind is in turmoil.

I spend my time hiding in my cave because I find it hard to be around people. Why? Sometimes I just can't stand the sight of them. Sometimes listening to them makes me want to strangle them. Sometimes I'm just lonely and seeing people makes me feel even more lonely. Why don't I just do something about it? I don't seem to know how. It's hard to force yourself to be social when you just aren't a social creature.

Everything I watch, every song I listen to speaks of love. Couples are everywhere but I remain on my own. Why? I don't know how to accomplish the relationship thing either. Perhaps I'm too idealistic. Perhaps I just don't believe in it. Perhaps I'm just afraid...

All I know is that I've created this world around me that is insular, solitary, lonely. I've forgotten how to have fun. I've become locked into routines in order to give structure to my days that are really empty of joy, of vitality, of creativity, of passion. To be given this great gift of life and to then waste it as I feel I am doing, is just a shame.

I am living a neutral, colorless existence. That's never been who I am. Never. So why now? Is it age? Is it responsibilities? Is it fear? Is it lack of imagination? What the fuck has changed in me to turn me from a passionate, vibrant woman into this bland, passionless, hiding in my cave, disconnected from the world person who stares at the same walls everyday while her life passes her by?

How do I get back into the land of the living? How do I re-ignite the passion in my life? How do I get the fuck out of neutral and back onto the highway? It's time for some big changes in my life... Now if I only knew where to begin...

Despite The Ugly.... We're Still Beautiful!

2011-06-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, we have drunken, stupid, asinine,

testosterone-driven yahoos

that don't have the IQ of a peanut

who rampaged through our downtown core last night

and showed the world just what kind of badly-behaved children (masquerading as adults)

they really are.

The damage, the fear, the violence, the injuries, the cost of their behavior has yet to make itself fully known.

I don't know much but I know this:

This is not who we are.

Never has been.

Never will be.

And while those drunken f**kers slept the sleep

of the stupid last night and this morning,

the citizens of Vancouver were online

posting their photos,

helping the police in any way they could,

and on the streets with brooms and

garbage bags helping city workers clean up the mess.

That's who we are!

As a brand new hockey fan,
I have no doubt the Canucks played their hearts out.
But in the end, only one team could win.
So it wasn't us.

Life goes on.

Unfortunately, the more lasting memory
will not be the fact that
they made it to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs;

it will be the riot that followed.

And while a handful of 'citizens'

shamed us on a global scale

( gotta love that technology!),

the majority of Vancouverites know

that we truly are

nicer than that,

kinder than that,

more respectful than that,

more intelligent than that,

more Canadian than that.

So, let me say this:

Despite The Ugly - We're Still Beautiful.

And so is our city.

I just took these today! ENJOY!!

Time Travel?

2011-06-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

I just got this in an email from my daughter who is currently visiting a small town in Pennsylvania in the U.S.

It's hard to believe what she describes still exists but there you have it.

She's effectively traveled back in time without a time machine!

...we always go to this coffee shop a half an hour away and it's like 1950's middle America. The kids are so innocent. They have hand-churned ice cream parlors, everything is unbelievably cheap with no tax.

You can still get chocolate bars and candy for 50 cents or less and fancy coffees like mochas or cappucinos are $4 or less. Unbelievable.

There's a massive outdoor community pool filled with real people, normal kids. No Yaletown or Kitsilano gym conditioned bodies. Just normal girls and boys and mums and dads that are totally comfortable with the way they look because everyone else around them looks normal too. It's nice to not feel any pressure to have a beach body because nobody in that area seems to care; they just want to splash around and meet new people and have fun.

They have little league baseball games at every park

and corner car washes put on by kids and their mums.

And when the weather's hot kids are playing marbles everywhere too.

It's so strange, I think there are pocket cities

in the states that won't ever change from the 50's.

I'm LOVIN' This Right Now!

2011-06-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

2011-06-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

On HEALTHISM yesterday...

http://blog.healthism.com/post/6490106823/does-cancer-preventing-cuisine-really-exist

Is it just a huge cosmic joke on all of us puny little human beings that everything we want to consume in mass quantities is bad for us?

And everything that our bodies actually crave - that will
keep us healthy and running like a finely-tuned machine -

we practically have to be coerced into eating?

But in reality, the simplicity and elegance of good nutrition is brilliant.
We've been gifted with these magnificent bodies and all we need to do is consume food in its most natural state - in moderation. And what an absolute plethora of choices we have - the fruits, the veggies, the sea food, the meats, the poultry, the nuts, grains, legumes and the list goes on.

But what do our bodies really know, anyway?
We choose to ignore our bodies needs in favor of our taste buds and emotions.
We are like stubborn children who have to learn our lessons the hard way before we'll concede that the fuel we put in our cars (or in this case, our bodies) affects its performance.

It seems that only after we've gained the excess weight,

watched our teeth start to rot from the excess sugar,

felt our breath get short from climbing a flight of stairs,

felt the aches and pains and gastrointestinal discomfort from poor food choices,

only after we've actually started to suffer -
then, and only then

(and for some, not even then)

will we throw up the white flag of surrender and
opt to exercise a little common sense.

The thing is, when we were kids, many of us were fortunate enough to have parents who forced us to make healthy choices.

But then we grew up and realized that we could now do whatever we liked and no one could stop us, so we threw our common sense to the wind and embraced indulging in the very things our parents were trying to protect us from.

So, I have to ask: How's that workin' for ya?

You are free to make whatever food
and lifestyle choices you want,
but are you laying out a red carpet
for cancer to waltz on into your body and life?

And let's not forget that your poor choices don't only affect you - you've probably got loved ones and family members who won't be too happy

to sit down to dinner with Cancer.

Personally, I've watched Cancer at work in my own family.
Father - dead of lung cancer.
Mother - wasting away from Breast Cancer.

And like the article on HEALTHISM says:
it doesn't happen overnight. It takes years for cancer to rear its ugly little head, and when it does - all bets are off. There is no quick fix for cancer.

But we can certainly change our bad habits and behavior in a N.Y. minute.
You wouldn't pour a gallon of pancake syrup in the engine of your Maserati and expect it to run like the wind. But you would and are putting what is effectively a pile of garbage into your beautiful body.

What's even sadder is that we actually have a choice.
The reality that is life on planet Earth is this:

There are people around the world actually subsisting on garbage.

They have nothing and it's the best they can do.

Others are simply starving because there is no food at all.

And here we are.

We may not be able to afford the highest quality food in the world, but we are privileged enough to be able to make food and health choices that rise above junk food and being a couch sloth.

People with no choice are suffering.

We are people with a choice;

so why do we choose to self-inflict suffering?

And let's remember this:
Because it doesn't hurt right this minute
doesn't mean it isn't going to kick your ass at some point in the future.
So don't be surprised when illness and disease come knocking on your door.
In fact, they're probably strolling down the highway
on their way to your house right now.

Fortunately, you can change their destination.
You have the power to nip that journey in the bud and gift yourself with a stronger, healthier body. It all starts with some good food choices and a little exercise.
Surely you're worth it?!

Good Morning Vancouver!

2011-06-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

A sunrise walk on the seawall offered up:

a bald eagle in flight,

otters and harbour seals at play,

a wonderful sunrise,

a cruise ship entering the inlet,

geese babies

and fresh sea air.

Here are a few pics. Enjoy!

The Storm Has Passed....

2011-06-12T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well, after 4 days of living in the

black hole of depression,

I'm finally re-emerging into the sunlight.

My heart goes out to those of you who struggle with depression

that lasts far longer than this last bout of mine.

It can be incapacitating. It can negatively affect every waking moment. It can make you think and do things you'd otherwise never consider were you not in that hole.

I knew I was on my way out of the hole because I got up early this morning and managed to walk the seawall - all 10k of it. (I tried yesterday but only accomplished about 1.5 km before my emotional state led me back home to hide in my cave.)

This afternoon I managed to do a little writing and after that,

I felt good enough to go to the outdoor swimming pool for a power swim.

When I can exercise, I know I'm feeling better.

And after I exercise, I always feel even better.

My friend Dave calls these last 4 days part of the ebb and flow of life.

Thankfully the flow is done.

I look forward to feeling even better tomorrow....

Is There A Place For Honesty in the Social Networking World?

2011-06-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

So...

I'm sitting here struggling with a bout of depression that is kicking my ass to the curb.

I've been in this funk now for several days. No exercise, junk food, crappy eating or no eating at all, sleeping... sleeping... crying....

What's put me into this hole? Don't know... sometimes a pile of things just creep up and slam you upside the head when you weren't expecting it. Depression is a peculiar thing that seems to come from nowhere and magnifies every little thing until you feel as though there are mountains of failures burying you beneath their weight.

Most of the time I'm fine, pretty good, downright excellent and I can handle life with a song, a smile and multiple workouts... but not right now.

I guess I'm tired and disillusioned at the moment.

Tired of being single but so disillusioned with the dating world that I just don't have the desire to play in it anymore. I don't know that I even believe in romantic love anymore...

I'm tired of being without a passion to pursue.

When I sang professionally, I was driven and passionate.

When I was writing books, I was driven and passionate.

Now, I just feel like a cog in a wheel - going round and round
and getting nowhere while my own life passes me by.

My friend reminded me to have fun this weekend and I realized that I've forgotten how to have fun.

I'm lonely and feeling invisible, undesirable, ineffective... invisible.

So what do you do when you feel like this?
We've got all this social networking to tap into, but do people ever go on Facebook and admit to feeling sad, vulnerable, alone and unworthy?

Do people tweet the fact that they spent the day crying and
stuffing their faces with junkfood.

Do people share how they're really feeling or do we just offer the pretty stuff, the happy stuff, the fun and exciting stuff?

Is there a place on those venues for us to be completely honest about who we are and what we're feeling? Or is it verboten to depress the masses?

Perhaps that's why we have blogs so we have a place to go to express our feelings if we can't talk about them. Then we can post our blog entries on FB and Twitter and let the chips fall where they fall.

Of course, if we do offer our truth, we make ourselves so vulnerable... but so what? We're all just people and sometimes life is hard and just sucks.

I'm having a fucking sucky day... days...
and I could really just use a hug, a pat on the back, a 'there, there, it'll be okay'.

In the end, I know I have to get myself out of this hole by myself.

In the end, I will get myself up and over and out of this pit.

But right now, all I have to offer is my honesty...

even if it's not pretty.

When I Need To Laugh....

2011-06-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

I just discovered this comedian thanks to YouTube. He's an Irish comedian and so funny.

Dara O Briain

Just what I needed... Here are some clips. He's got plenty more concerts on YouTube. Check him out!

Live At The Theatre Royal Part I

Live At The Theatre Royal Part 2

Live At The Theatre Royal Part 3

Why Am I So Bloody Irritated Today?

2011-06-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

My irritation has been brought on by a combination of things. The day started out ok. I hit the gym and did some cardio and weights and that felt good. The cloudy skies and cool temperatures after a sunny weekend didn't feel so good.

I started my work day and my computers got on my last nerve.

I say computers (as in two) because for now, I need to use a desktop and a laptop to get stuff done. I run an office and all that it entails and last weekend I got a virus that effectively wiped out all the programs on my desktop.

I won't go into the details - let's just say there's been a lot of cursing and swearing as I get everything back up to speed.

Thank you to Generic Computer for cleaning out my system. They ROCK!!!

But the most important program was destroyed by the virus. Fortunately, I have it on my laptop so I need to use my laptop for that program and all the rest of my stuff is on my desk top so I'm constantly plugging and unplugging things, copying and transferring, keyboards and mice (cordless and not), monitors (big and small), the phone ringing, my dogs wanting me to play, the sound of construction and my irritation level started to rise.

When I get overfocused I usually forget to eat, then I get a headache, then I'll grab anything. Today it was wheat products - now I'm bloated and feel like I'm 5 months pregnant. AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

The sun is out now of course but I'm pouting and I feel gunky. :(

What a bloody whiner I am.

But here's one good thing that I'll end this pathetic post with:

I've taken up the hula hoop!

I got a custom made, weighted hoop from a company here in Vancouver called Pixie Hoops. It's a beauty.

I'm following videos on youtube to learn how to rock my hula hoop. Yes... I guess I am 7 again but you know what? My hula hoop makes me smile and will strengthen my core and trim my waist so it's all good.

Think I'll go play with my hoop... feeling better already!

Dying For A Smoke - Today's HEALTHISM Blog Post

2011-06-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

TODAY ON THE HEALTHISM BLOG...

http://blog.healthism.com/post/6285677745/dying-for-a-smoke

It was interesting to see this article today because a friend and I were discussing the laws prohibiting smoking in public places in my city.

Great idea in theory,

HOWEVER...

Vancouver has done just that on our public beaches.

English Bay,

(a jewel of a spot at the edge of Stanley Park and loaded with tourists and locals and kids, kids, kids) has signage everywhere that says we are now a no-smoking beach. And guess what?

Every time I go there I have to move several times to find a spot where I'm not downwind of a smoker.

The law is a wonderful idea but only if it is going to be enforced.

I'm not a smoker but I grew up in a family of smokers and yes, I have asthma up the ying yang. Fortunately for me, I've learned to control it (my home is asthma-proofed because I'm sensitive to a lot of scents that are toxic to my lungs - like scented anything, perfumes, soap, dish liquid, laundry detergents, cleaners, etc.). I can breathe freely at home and while I used to have a ventolin inhaler at hand all the time, I weaned myself off all medication by taking up swimming and improving my lung capacity. It really does work for me.

But that doesn't mean I can't be triggered.

So, I head for the beach, settle myself into a comfortable spot and within minutes I have a headache and I feel like I'm breathing in air that rivals the smell coming out of an overflowing garbage can.

If I don't want to end up wheezing, I have to get up and move, and move, and move again. I'm getting pretty tired of that. After all, we wait all year to just get outside so we can breathe in the fresh sea air and enjoy the beauty of the bay.

But it's hard to enjoy it when your head is pounding,

and you can't breathe.

And is that because of something you did?

Nope.

You just happen to be sitting downwind of someone else's cigarette.

Great way to ruin a day.

In the gym this morning, my friend said that he'd love to volunteer to be beach patrol to enforce the non-smoking regulation. All he'd ask is to be armed with a big water gun like the kids play with and be given permission to put out a smoking cigarette every time he saw one. I told him I would love to join him on the job!

Like the HEALTHISM article says, our bodies are not indestructible. It just irritates me that even though I work really hard to stay healthy, I have to work even harder because some people don't give a rat's *** about anyone but themselves.

Still, an addiction is an addiction and I'm not without sympathy for those hooked on nicotine. My favorite solution would be to give all smokers bubble helmets like astronauts wear that they would have to wear

every time they smoked around non-smokers.

All the cigarette smoke would be contained within the helmet. Smokers could then get more bang for their buck by enjoying every last whiff of smoke and I could breathe without feeling like I'm sucking air through a thin straw when my bronchial tubes contract. Or maybe I'm just being picky....